Managing Conflict with Empathy
The 5 Best Lessons I’ve Learned in Managing Disagreements & Fostering a Culture of Feedback with Empathy at the Forefront
I have recently been reflecting on some of the toughest lessons I have learned, and as a typically non-confrontational person, managing conflict has been a huge area of growth for me.
I want to share some of the best lessons and pieces of mentorship that I have engrained into my own leadership style to resolve conflicts with empathy at the forefront. These techniques have helped me not only manage disagreements, but I believe they have truly contributed to a better culture of feedback, transparency and the welcoming of ‘failing harder’ on creative teams.
1. Remember that we all have the same goal
When team members fall into a ‘my opinion vs. your opinion’ mindset — align on the common goal everyone is working to achieve.
Is the ultimate mission clear? Are personal preferences taking priority over the end user’s (or team’s) goals?
Respect the differences and celebrate passionate team members.
2. Foster Trust & Transparency
Fostering a culture of open dialogue, trust, and acceptance will bring massive advantages to any team.
Actively lead discussions to diagnose conflicts, open the conversation as a neutral party.
Ask for painpoints, critical feedback, and lean further into finding the source of issues happening on your team. Make it clear that it is your duty to ensure that friction is eliminated, and that no one will ever get in trouble for raising a concern (and be sure that that’s true!).
Create regular forums for your team to directly give feedback and express concerns, both as a together and 1–1
Retros, post-mortems, 1 on 1’s are great frameworks to keep in place to ensure there is a culture of feedback that helps you act on conflicts fast.
3. Act Swiftly & Responsibly
The actions you take to engage and resolve a conflict must be carefully and strategically considered.
Over-communicate. Ask how you can support, express how you intend to resolve or escalate the issue. Create an open dialogue for feedback.
Create a clear action plan. Clarify what everyone’s role is in the resolution, what the milestones are, and why these actions are valuable. Find ways to communicate the greater purpose of your plan and express appreciation to those who need to cooperate.
4. Be Intentional & Specific In Your Words
How you convey your message can be more important than the substance of it. Focus on the specific behavior or events, not personalities. This dramatically impacts the intention of your feedback.
Avoid criticizing personality, and focus on the specific action you want to change. For example:
Don’t say ”When you do…” , but instead “When this happens…”
Don’t say ”You were rude”, and call out the specific behavior such as, “You raised your voice to your teammate”
Don’t say “You didn’t do this right..” and focus on the impact, like, “When you don’t use our systems correctly, productivity slows down”
This method also can lead nicely into the action or change in behavior you want to see more specifically.
5. Celebrate Imperfection
An unconventional take, but one of my favorite concepts. Making mistakes, breaking things, learning how to work together is part of the process.
Find what was learned through conflict, use that as a positive tool to improve.
Success sometimes starts with failure. Learning how not to do something can serve as a tool to improve things moving forward.
Lead with transparency on your imperfections. This welcomes others to take ownership of their pitfalls and try new things, and drives a culture of innovation and iteration.
What lessons have you learned in your own experience in managing conflict?
